全民笑话

全名笑话是由南昌莫奈科技倾力打造的,旨在为大家带来欢乐。

A?second?language

A?cat?and?her?four?kittens?ran?into?a?large?dog.?When?the?kittens?cowered,?the?cat?let?out?a?series?of?loud?barks,?scaring?the?dog?away. Turning?to?her?kittens,?the?cat?said,?"You?see?how?important?it?is?to?know?a?second?language."

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a?man?and?E.T.

What?is?the?difference?between?a?man?and?E.T.??E.T.?phoned?home

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swap?partners?for?sex

A?married?couple?on?the?farm?are?visited?by?an?alien?couple.?The?alien?couple?asked?the?human?couple?if?they?would?like?to?swap?partners?for?sex.? They?agree,?the?human?woman?and?alien?man?are?together.?She?says,?"You?have?a?small?penis!"? The?alien?man?replies,?"pull?my?ears!"? So?she?pulls?his?ears?and?his?penis?becomes?larger.?She?is?astonished?and?has?the?best?sex?of?her?life.? When?the?human?couple?come?back?together,?she?asked?him?how?was?it.? He?replies,?"It?was?great,?but?my?ears?are?just?killing?me!"

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Steven?Wright?on?dogs

The?other?day,?I?was?walking?my?dog?around?my?building...on?the?ledge.Some?people?are?afraid?of?heights.Not?me,?I‘m?afraid?of?widths. I?had?a?dog?once.I?spilled?spot?remover?on?him,?and?now?he‘s?gone. I?put?contact?lenses?in?my?dog‘s?eyes.They?had?little?pictures?of?cats?on?them.Then?I?took?one?out?and?he?ran?around?in?circles. I?bought?a?dog?the?other?day...I?named?him?Stay.It‘s?fun?to?call?him..."Come?here,?Stay!Come?here,?Stay!"He?went?insane.Now?he?just?ignores?me?and?keeps?typing.He‘s?an?East?German?Shepherd.

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A?short?history?of?medicine

"Doctor,?I?have?an?ear?ache." 2000?B.C.?-?"Here,?eat?this?root."? 1000?B.C.?-?"That?root?is?heathen,?say?this?prayer."? 1850?A.D.?-?"That?prayer?is?superstition,?drink?this?potion."? 1940?A.D.?-?"That?potion?is?snake?oil,?swallow?this?pill."? 1985?A.D.?-?"That?pill?is?ineffective,?take?this?antibiotic."? 2000?A.D.?-?"That?antibiotic?is?artificial.?Here,?eat?this?root!"??

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Bathroom?troubles

Three?old?men?are?sitting?on?the?porch?of?a?retirement?home.?The?first?says,?"Fellas,?I?got?real?problems.?I‘m?seventy?years?old.?Every?morning?at?seven?o‘clock?I?get?up?and?I?try?to?urinate.?All?day?long?I?try?to?urinate.?They?give?me?all?kinds?of?medicine?but?nothing?helps."? The?second?old?man?says,?"You?think?you?have?problems.?I‘m?eighty?years?old.?Every?morning?at?8:00?I?get?up?and?try?to?move?my?bowels.?I?try?all?day?long.?They?give?me?all?kinds?of?stuff?but?nothing?helps."? Finally?the?third?old?man?speaks?up,?"Fellas:?I‘m?ninety?years?old.?Every?morning?at?7:00?sharp?I?urinate.?Every?morning?at?8:00?I?move?my?bowels.?Every?morning?at?9:00?sharp?I?wake?up."

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孩子的命名学

有一天,一个印地安小孩问他爸爸说:"dad,我的名字怎么来的?"父亲 回答说:"我们族人命名都是以小孩子刚出生时,父亲看到的第一见事物来命名的"像你哥哥,他刚出生时,我一出门就见到了青山,所以他叫Blue-mountain像你姊姊,她刚出生时,我一出门就见到鸟在飞,所以他叫Bird-flying.这就是我们族人命名的方式. 父亲顿了一下,然後回过头说:"对了,Dog-fucking,你刚刚问我什么问题?"

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Change

A?professor?was?giving?a?big?test?one?day?to?his?students.?He?handed?out?all?of?the?tests?and?went?back?to?his?desk?to?wait.? Once?the?test?was?over?the?students?all?handed?the?tests?back?in.?The?professor?noticed?that?one?of?the?students?had?attached?a?$100?bill?to?his?test?with?a?note?saying?"A?dollar?per?point."? In?the?next?class?the?professor?handed?the?tests?back?out.?This?student?got?back?his?test?and?$64?change.

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He?told?me?to?see?you

Doctor:?And?whom?did?you?consult?about?your?illness?before?you?came?to?me? Patient:?Only?the?druggist?down?at?the?corner. Doctor:?And?what?sort?of?ridiculous?advice?did?he?gave?you? Patient:?He?told?me?to?see?you!?

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Expert?on?parenting

The?following?is?a?true?story?written?by?an?educational?psychologist?and?her?experience?on?a?plane. On?a?flight?to?Florida,?I?was?preparing?my?notes?for?one?of?the?parent-education?seminars?I?conduct?as?an?educational?psychologist. The?elderly?woman?sitting?next?to?me?explained?that?she?was?returning?to?Miami?after?having?spent?two?weeks?visiting?her?six?children,?18?grandchildren?and?ten?great-grandchildren?in?Boston. Then?she?inquired?what?I?did?for?a?living. I?told?her,?fully?expecting?her?to?question?me?for?free?professional?advice.? Instead?she?sat?back,?picked?up?a?magazine?and?said,?"If?there‘s?anything?you?want?to?know,?just?ask?me."

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I?always?do

Two?motorists?stopped?head-on?on?a?bridge?too?narrow?for?their?cars?to?pass. "I?never?back?up?for?an?idiot."?said?one?driver?angrily. "I?always?do."?replied?the?other?as?he?shifted?into?reverse.

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Watch?out?for?themselves

Farmer?Jones?picked?a?big?red?apple?and?handed?it?to?the?boy?saying,?"Watch?out?for?worms." "When?I?eat?apples,"?replied?the?boy,?"the?worms?have?to?watch?out?for?themselves.

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China?Jokes

Q:?Did?you?hear?about?the?new?American?Express?Card?they?are?issuing?in?Red?China? A:?You?never?leave?home.

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Choose?a?punishment

private?Loyds?was?brought?up?before?the?unit?CO?for?some?offence. "You?can?take?your?choice,?private?-?one?month‘s?restriction?or?twenty?day‘s?pay,"?said?the?officer. "All?right,?sir,"?said?the?bright?soldier,?"I‘ll?take?the?money."

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Charming?Ending

Young?Lady:?"?Your?novel?has?a?charming?ending." Author:?"?What?do?you?think?of?the?opening?chapters?"? Young?Lady:?"?I?have?not?got?to?them?yet!"

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Humor?about?Age

OLD?pOSTAL?CARRIERS?never?die,?they?just?lose?their?zip OLD?pRINTERS?never?die,?they‘re?just?not?the?type OLD?pROGRAMMERS?never?die,?they?just?byte?it OLD?pROGRAMMERS?never?die,?they?just?decompile OLD?pROGRAMMERS?never?die,?they?just?get?bugged?with?life OLD?pROGRAMMERS?never?die,?they?just?go?to?bits OLD?pROGRAMMERS?never?die,?they?just?lose?their?memory? OLD?pROGRAMMERS?never?die,?they?just?move?to?new?addresses OLD?pROGRAMMING?WIZARDS?never?die,?they?just?recurse OLD?pROpANE?TANKS?never?die,?they?just?run?out?of?gas OLD?pROSITUTES?never?die,?they?just?fake?away... OLD?pUNTERS?never?die,?they?just?go?horse OLD?QUARTERBACKS?never?die,?they?just?fade?back?and?pass?away OLD?QUILTERS?never?die,?they?just?go?to?pieces OLD?QUILTERS?never?die,?they?just?go?under?cover

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关于WY的解释

有一个男的十分爱他的女朋友?于是就把他女朋友的名字"WENDY"?刻在他的"那话儿"上,于是当"那话?儿"缩小时只看到缩写"WY",有一次他和他的女朋友到夏威?夷去玩,他在上厕所时看到隔壁那?个外国人的"那话儿"也有"WY"字?样,于是很兴奋的问那个外国人:?"你的女朋有也叫"WENDY"吗??外国人回答说:"NO,NO,我刻的是:?"WELCOME?TO?HAWAI?AND?ENJOY?YOUR?HOLODAY"

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The?story?of?the?bats

Two?vampire?bats?wake?up?in?the?middle?of?the?night,?thirsty?for?blood.One?says,?"Let‘s?fly?out?of?the?cave?and?get?some?blood." "We‘re?new?here,"?says?the?second?one."It‘s?dark?out,?and?we?don‘t?know?where?to?look.We‘d?better?wait?until?the?other?bats?go?with?us." The?first?bat?replies,?"Who?needs?them?I?can?find?some?blood?somewhere."?He?flies?out?of?the?cave. When?he?returns,?he?is?covered?with?blood. The?second?bat?says?excitedly,?"Where?did?you?get?the?blood?" The?first?bat?takes?his?buddy?to?the?mouth?of?the?cave.pointing?into?the?night,?he?asks,?"See?that?black?building?over?there?" "Yes,"?the?other?bat?answers. "Well,"?says?the?first?bat,?"I?didn‘t."

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Shopping?for?goods

A?woman?meant?to?call?a?record?store?but?dialed?the?wrong?number?and?got?a?private?home?instead.? "Do?you?have?‘Eyes?of?Blue‘?and?‘A?Love?Supreme‘?"?she?asked.? "Well,?no,"?answered?the?puzzled?homeowner.?"But?I?have?a?wife?and?eleven?children."? "Is?that?a?record?"?she?inquired.? "I?don‘t?think?so,"?replied?the?man,?"but?it‘s?as?close?as?I?want?to?get."

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Not?lost

A?traveler?came?to?a?river?one?day.?He?hired?boatman?to?take?him?to?the?other?side.?It?was?a?windy?day?and?the?waves?were?very?high.?So?the?traveler?was?a?little?afraid. "Are?you?sure?we?can?cross?the?river?safely?"?he?asked. "Of?course,"?answered?the?boatman.?The?boat?left?the?bank. "Has?anyone?ever?been?lost?here?before?"?the?anxious?traveler?asked?again. "Never,"?the?boatman?answered?calmly.?"My?brother?was?drowned?here?last?week,?but?we?found?him?the?next?day."

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